ROANOKE, VA — Just days after Roanoke–Blacksburg Regional Airport proudly announced a new nonstop flight to Dallas–Fort Worth, local residents immediately took to social media to explain why this achievement was, somehow, deeply disappointing.
“Dallas? Really?” said one commenter, who last week insisted the airport offered “no good destinations” and this week clarified that what they actually meant was one very specific destination they personally like, preferably with beach access, ski slopes, Broadway shows, and direct flights every 20 minutes.
Others questioned why Roanoke would choose Dallas instead of “somewhere better,” though none could agree on what that might be. Suggested alternatives included San Diego, Key West, Jackson Hole, and “honestly just Europe.”
Airport officials noted that Dallas–Fort Worth is one of the largest airline hubs in the world, offering hundreds of easy connections nationwide and internationally. This explanation was immediately dismissed as “missing the point.”
“I don’t want to connect,” said a resident who routinely drives five hours to Dulles and considers that “more efficient.”
Critics also complained that Dallas is “too hot,” “too flat,” and “not where I personally travel,” reinforcing the widely held belief that all airport routes should be tailored to one individual’s vacation habits.
Meanwhile, the same commenters reiterated that ROA tickets are “way too expensive,” before proudly announcing plans to drive to Charlotte for a flight that’s $29 cheaper, not counting gas, parking, Chick-fil-A, and the quiet rage of I-81 traffic.
Airport representatives celebrated the announcement anyway, calling the Dallas route “a major win for connectivity.” Residents responded by asking when Roanoke will finally get a nonstop to “somewhere useful,” like Vegas, Denver, or “literally anywhere except the place they just added.”
At press time, locals were demanding more flights while insisting none of the new ones count.