ROANOKE, VA — Local residents renewed their outrage this week toward Carington Clinic, the massive regional healthcare system many blame for everything from traffic to the concept of employment itself.
“They’re buyin’ up all the land,” said one man in a camouflage jacket, pointing toward a hospital, two office buildings, and a field that was never for sale but feels suspicious now. “Ain’t right for one place to be that… big.”
Critics argue Carington Clinic has grown far beyond what a town “this small” should tolerate, despite the inconvenient fact that it is also the largest employer in the region and the primary reason Roanoke’s economy continues to breathe without medical assistance.
“I remember when this town didn’t have all these buildings,” said a resident who also remembers when most of his friends had to move away for work. “Back then it was quiet. Empty. Sad. Like it oughta be.”
Residents insist Carington should “slow down on the expansion,” while simultaneously demanding more doctors, shorter ER waits, better specialists, and healthcare options normally found only in major metro areas — ideally without anyone having to build anything new.
Economists note that Carington Clinic pumps billions into the local economy, supports thousands of families, and keeps entire neighborhoods, restaurants, and breweries afloat. This explanation was immediately rejected as “numbers” and “probably made up.”
“If they didn’t own all that land, regular folks could,” said one critic, when asked which regular folks would be purchasing multi-million-dollar medical campuses, replied, “Well… somebody.”
At press time, residents were angrily posting online about Carington Clinic while cashing paychecks from it, using its parking decks, and scheduling follow-up appointments they absolutely still plan to attend.